The boy stopped rocking and rose from the bench and began to walk, stiff-legged, looking down.
"Where are you going?" the woman asked.
He raised his head, cow-eyed, to indicate his destination -- the men's room across the waiting room.
"Then why do you walk like that?" the woman said. "I'm talking to you. Why do you walk like that, for God's sake?"
His mouth moved like a fish's for a moment.
"You sit down," she said, "and I'll tell you when I want you to go somewhere."
He waited a moment and then sank down on the bench. His mouth was open, and his hands were pressed over his ears. He put his head down, just above his knees, and began rocking again.
The woman addressed herself to the other two. She drew them close around the pile of baggage and spoke softly to them.
Yes, that's right, the man thought. Yes, that's right.
She gestured to the baggage and pointed at them, and they nodded; and she gestured at the washroom and she nodded and then she, and then they, looked over at the other boy. She got up quickly and gathered herself together and walked crisply off.
The other children looked guiltily at the boy and then they determinedly busied themselves with their books.
Well, now's the time, the man thought, and he had this fantasy: He would walk over to the boy and sit beside him. "Do you know who I am?" he would say. The boy would look up. "I am your guardian angel. I have been sent to tell you this: You are not bad, but good. Do you understand? You are not bad, but good. I only have a moment, but you are to keep this."
He inventoried his pockets for something to give the boy.
"You are to keep this -- it's a magic quarter. Every time you see it, every time you touch it, you will magically remember that you are not bad, but good. You are good. Do you understand?
"Now, listen to me -- one day you will lose the quarter. This is part of the plan. When this occurs, it means that each time you see any coin then you will remember that you are good."
In the fantasy the man pressed the coin into the boy's hand and quickly stood and walked away.
As he finished the fantasy, he saw the woman walk out of the washroom and return to the two good children and saw the three of them smile and rise and organize themselves around their bags. Just before they left, she looked at the boy on the bench and glared at him as if to say, "Well?" And the boy rose and followed them.
-- David Mamet
http://www.donshewey.com/1997_zine/soul_murder.html
Note: http://www.donshewey.co...
SOUL MURDER
Posted on Thursday, May 10 at 13:56 by DiogenesContributed By
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and
I know it happens everyday and it happens too often to too many people;
parents, spouses, co-workers, etc etc - and I know it is perhaps one of the
reasons that people do not speak up when they are adults, don't speak up
against the so called 'elites' or so called smarter people, etc etc.
...but where is the rest of the story? Why was he sitting there like that? What
had
he done? I get it, in the sense of the abuse, but I don't get it in the sense of
where the heck is the rest of the story???
Personally the messages reminds me the incredible importance of praising
others, of seeing the goodness in everyone and of being kind whenever
possible...perhaps that would be the beginning of empowering our fellow
citizens to the point that they would feel safe enough to stand and speak?
Perhaps?
---
"aaaah and the whisper of thousands of tiny voices became a mighty deafening roar and they called it 'freedom'!"' Canadians Acting Humanely at home & everywhere
.Why’d I go and do that?
Glad you asked
I do’d it cause I was brought up on a steady diet of soul murder and I carried that in to adulthood My guess is Deacon may be familiar with what I am about to .
I do’d it because I’ve seen and continue to see it every time I leave my cave and venture out into the world of soul murderers who never break the cycle and produce more soul murderers.
Painful?
Dammed Straight!
A pain that P-Doc get rich along with Big Pharma who supply the Kiddie Cocaine Ritalin that Was prescribed to the Columbine shooters
Soul murder extends in my case to the mother and daughter that have cooked up the false Memory Syndrome angs over my head as the never happened rape of my daughter.
“...but where is the rest of the story? Why was he sitting there like that? What
had
he done? I get it, in the sense of the abuse, but I don't get it in the sense of
where the heck is the rest of the story???”
The questions, Catherine are moot. Believe me!
Having been brought up by a mother who grew up without love and passed it on to me my very existence was reason enough.
I believe you got what the writer wanted you to get
I also do'd it because of The presentation David Suzuki's daughter gave. Soul Murder is what is being done to her generation
---
"It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities."
—Sir Josiah Stamp
doubt painful to do...I hear you ....let us say the author has made their point;
they left us there in the pain. Do we have to stay there? Do we want to stay
there? Can we change it at all?
Also I would tend to agree that it is reflective of
what is happening to many of our children today, and that it happened in the
past to many adults...so if we want a healthy society, we are going to have to
break these cycles of abuse. We are going to have to heal the past in order to
create healthy futures.
So in my mind, the story does not end where it has ...the story reveals that
the man is not an angel but rather a man, like you Dio, or any other man/
woman. A man who can see the pain all around, he can see the mother’s pain,
sense of worthlessness and her attempts to put down her child out of that
pain. He can see the child’s pain also and see the discomfort of the other
siblings. So he doesn’t imagine himself going to the child, he does it. He sits
down beside him and tells him he is loved, just as he did in the story. Then
when the mother returns he gets up slowly walks towards the mother, and
smiles.
He says, ‘are you this brave boy’s mother? You must be so proud.’ He doesn’t
stop talking until he is finished. “He was sitting here so well behaved and I
had thought he was abandoned. I was afraid for your son. He is obviously a
very bright boy, isn’t he? It must be so difficult for you having three children
to watch. But I can see that they watch out for each other, as only siblings can
(he looks at the other two knowingly). You are an admirable woman to carry
such a heavy load. Your children are lucky to have a mother who shows her
love and care, I believe this little fellow needs to use the bathroom, shall we
wait here and chat while he goes? Can I assist you and your children in any
way?” The little boy never knew about the rest of the story. He never knew
that the man told the mother very quietly that he could see her pain, that he
could see she was a good mother, but that she was having a difficult time.
Apparently the mother had cried.
Years later the little boy has grown and though his mother never fully learned
to mother or to show her love, he knew that he was loved. He knew. He
remembered the gentle man who stood up for him. He knew he had value and
he was able to see the pain his mother lived with and he forgave her. When he
became a parent he knew how to give and receive love, because he had
experienced that kindness of a stranger. He didn’t need to fight for
recognition at school he had confidence and everyone wanted to be in the
presence of the ‘happy little boy with the quiet way’. That is how the story
changes history! That is the power of you and me.
Everyday we have opportunities to say, ‘take my hand, let me help you on this
journey, cause I know it is hard’. We don’t have to say it with words, we say
with our deeds, with our knowing smiles and shared acceptance of each
other’s burdens. We say it when we see people instead of walking by without
even a nod.
I realize it is not my right to change another writer’s story, but I felt the need
to ease the pain! I have only added a possibility to it, and of course that is
only one of the many.
---
"aaaah and the whisper of thousands of tiny voices became a mighty deafening roar and they called it 'freedom'!"' Canadians Acting Humanely at home & everywhere
Here is the start<br />
<br />
The pain is gone <br />
I did a NLP release tested it to see that it held and moved on<br />
Our minds are powerful, more powerful than some are willing to admit<br />
I was relentless in my search for peace of mind and every professional I saw had the same thing to say ” I don’t know what to do for you.” <br />
<br />
So I stopped going to “professionals”<br />
<br />
Instead I have friends who were NLP practitioners and by working with them I got the result I was after<br />
<br />
When we choose to look at life a s a journey instead of a destination <br />
We begin to realize we can let go of the now that is the constant fear and achieve other states of mind.<br />
<br />
Of course we can change and I believe you had a book referred to you, “ Change your mind and keep the change” <br />
<br />
When what you think about is what you bring about then be damned careful what is thought about.<br />
<br />
ok Dio, first thank you for sharing your personal experience, which is no <br />
doubt painful to do...I hear you ....let us say the author has made their point; <br />
they left us there in the pain. Do we have to stay there? Do we want to stay <br />
there? Can we change it at all?<br />
<br />
<br />
"<a href="http://www.nlpls.com/faq/spec/stateMgmt.php">http://www.nlpls.com/faq/spec/stateMgmt.php</a> <br />
<br />
Specialization: State Management<br />
Identifying, using, changing, and maintaining mind/body states of attention, emotion and awareness <br />
The ability to manage your own internal state is one of the most important skills you can acquire. Your state filters and selects perception, activates specific patterns of thinking and believing, influences decisions, frames communication, triggers emotions, affects health, affects performance, affects conscious awareness, and drives behaviors. <br />
Your ability to influence and choose your state of mind has a powerful effect on your resourcefulness and comfort in any situation. <br />
It's more than emotional intelligence. It's full brain & heart & mind & body intelligence. <br />
Yet, most people have never been taught the skills they need to internally manage their state. As we move through time, we naturally change and access different states frequently, but for most of us it is done reflexively, with little choice. When unpleasant states are present, we may feel more the victim of them than their master. And when enjoyable states are present, we may not know how to sustain them. For most of us, states come and go like weather patterns, and we experience them as beyond our control.<br />
This is a failure of education rather than of personal capability. Every person has all the tools needed to create choice about states and gain greater control. NLP shows you how to use these tools.<br />
When we work together, I help you learn the skills you need to more effectively manage your states, how to recognize state shifts in yourself and others so that you can communicate better and be effective in challenging situations. You'll learn how to "texture" your states so they don't have to be "all or nothing" or "black or white." You'll learn how to change your state, how to maintain a state for focus or pleasure, how to anchor states for future use, and how to transfer resources from one state to another.<br />
You'll learn how to monitor your states, set up an internal "early warning" system to notify you of important unconscious awarenesses -- such as infection or danger or boundary violations. You'll learn how to respond to unresourceful states, how to understand their meaning, derive their benefits, and move on with those benefits to better states. <br />
State management skills are skills you will use and benefit from for the rest of your life. They will improve your career, your relationships, your health, and your happiness with life.<br />
When you're ready to take a major step forward in the quality of your life, that's a great time to learn NLP state management skills with a Certified NLP Trainer"<br />
<br />
<br />
<p>---<br>"It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities."<br />
—Sir Josiah Stamp
I didn't mean that YOU needed to change, but the story needed to change,
and the reason is that as you say, many of our children are living in pain,
many adults are living in pain, and we, each and every one of us have the
ability to change the atmosphere on this planet. We can change the pain,
even if we are in pain, we can change the situation for others and therefore
change it for ourselves.
How can we help our children when many of us are living in pain, fear and
feeling helpless. We see our country going down the tubes and then a kid is
whining about something and we dismiss it because when you compare it to
losing the country well...it doesn't seem so important...but it is...obviously we
have a lot of kids living in pain, and that is a social concern. Why they are
living in pain is by and large a product of this new world order of greed,
greed, and more greed. Just wait kid I'll have time to play ball or read you a
story when I finish working 14 hour days....really I promise...'The Cats in the
Craddle' perfect song for this story...Cat Stevens.
---
"aaaah and the whisper of thousands of tiny voices became a mighty deafening roar and they called it 'freedom'!"' Canadians Acting Humanely at home & everywhere
this new world order of greed, greed, and more greed."
That's the plan - to destroy the family unit. You think the
feminist movement was about liberating women or was
it about getting the mother out of the home, having her
work 14 hours per day, which would ultimately have the
effect of destroying the family unit? Who is usually the
most important person in a child's life? What happens
to that child when this person is not around to provide
support and nurture the child?
When keeping up with the Jones' and their three cars is
more important than the welfare of your child, what do
you expect?
As an example, someone once told me they grew up in
a family where you were either a doctor, a lawyer or a
piece of shit. And the most disturbing thing is that these
parents actually think they are doing the "right thing",
when, in fact, they are committing the inexcusable sin of
"Soul Murder".
And may I add that this type of mishandling of children
is also happening in the educational system, in
addition to the home. How about this song as well:
"The Wall" by Pink Floyd.
Excellent post. It highlights the fact that our children are
the ones who are paying the ultimate price in this greed
driven morally corrupt society. Now let's all revert back
to our default state of denial and pretend everything is
hunky dory.
Frank
The Fence
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all.
He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.
And as we all know too well, even worse. Its never forgotten, only sometimes forgiven.
---
"It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities."
—Sir Josiah Stamp
Not as extreme, but difficult nonetheless.
The nail analogy at the end works equally well for describing the damage done by all forms of abuse.
Sadly, we as humans are nowhere near as immune to pain as fences are.
Children learn what they live, and as adults they do as they were taught as children unless something happens to make them see that there is a better way.
The evidence is all around us as to the effects of all that inflicted pain on people we know and love.
The woman (or man, gender is no guarantor of immunity) who stays in an abusive relationship because she never believed she was worth anything better because someone abused her as a child and destroyed her innocence and her faith in herself.
The man or woman so full of pain that they have to numb it out with a tablet, a joint, a bottle, or a syringe just to face another day. There are other means to use to try numbing it out, but they are all pretty well just as useless. Band-aids being used to desperately attempt to heal gaping wounds.
Those are just two examples off the top of my head. There are many more than these. Many are even worse.
Look into the faces of those around you. How many of them are truly happy? How many of them are faking it? How many of them are so tired and hurt they don't even bother trying to hide it anymore?
How many "accidents" are camouflaged suicides?
I don't know, and to be absolutely honest, I don't want to know.
For me, it's been my faith in Christ that's kept me alive. Not belonging to a church, or an organization, or any other group. Just my faith in Jesus Christ. You may brand me a fool, and that's your call to make.
Has my life been easy? I'll just answer that with a simple "no".
I still have to deal with the same wounds, memories and pain that I have always dealt with. I don't pretend to understand why it happened, and I would have preferred that it didn't.
Regardless of how we started in life we, as adults, have the obligation to examine ourselves and face those parts of our souls we would rather ignore. Many of us would rather bury it and hope it stays "dead".
But the price of not doing so, and projecting the pain, anger, and sorrow we all carry around onto others, especially those we love, is beyond calculation.
Those of you who read this, and have been there yourselves, will understand.
There is no easy way, and no instant solution.
---
The two most common things in the universe are apparently Hydrogen and stupidity.
That our minds do recall experiences of the past in it’s self is worth exploring because it is *how* we remember that is the deciding factor.
As a survivor of life’s quirks and after a relentless search I discovered ways to tromper l'esprit as we trompe de l'oeil (trick the mind as we trick the eye) Once we ‘get’ that the mind can be and is trickable we then can begin to fix heal manipulate it so’s that what was once painful now is not. What a tool!
I have some beliefs that have served me well, I believe mind is all. I as so ‘believe’ that G*d is all. But as far as faith goes I place my faith in that that was given by G*d: mind.
K! now that that part is out of the way lets open our mind to ALL the possibilities our minds hold unreleased by us.
I also believe we are here to learn, that’s what that lump of gelatine mass between out ears is for, is it not?
So I have ‘learned enough NLP to not let what ever pain I accumulated through out my life.
I have prayed to G*d and to his kid, and they were busy with more important stuff, I guess, than my poo, so it fell on me to not give up and find a way. I did and it is that way I place befor you to accept or reject, as you will.
One of my many Mantras
OUT of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance 5
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade, 10
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate: 15
I am the captain of my soul.
Thanks for sharing what works for you Deacon!
There is however an easy way as there are instant solutions. The trick, if you will is to find them. Respectfully
Dio
---
"It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities."
—Sir Josiah Stamp
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.nlpu.com/Articles/artic13.htm">http://www.nlpu.com/Articles/artic13.htm</a> <br />
<br />
The phenomenon of "gentling" appears to be distinct from that of "imprinting" (which can also involve the interaction between humans and other animals). Imprinting is a special form of learning, which also occurs during a critical early stage in life, in which the young within a species instinctively recognize and follow a "mother figure." While the "mother figure" is usually their biological mother, it can also be other members of their species, or in some cases a member of another species all together. Such imprints, however, are extinguished with the death of the individual, and not transferred naturally to their children. The offspring of a duckling that is imprinted to a human will not be anymore predisposed to imprint to humans than any other duckling. Imprints must be re-established through the life experiences of each animal. The affects of gentling, on the other hand, appears to be passed on to following generations through some type of biological mechanism.<br />
<a href="http://www.nlpu.com/Patterns/patt13.htm">http://www.nlpu.com/Patterns/patt13.htm</a> <br />
"Gentling" as a Path to Personal Growth<br />
The following process was developed by Robert Dilts in 1991 as a means to apply the process of "gentling" to facilitate personal growth. The process is designed to promote a positive "grandmother" or "grandparent" effect by using Time Lines and different Perceptual Positions.<br />
One key issue to be dealt with in attempting to adapt the gentling process to humans is, "What has the same relationship to humans that humans have to other species?" There is obviously no real analogy in terms of an actual creature or being. Besides something like the Earth itself, this relationship would be represented by something like a "guardian angel" or some type of spiritual being. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<p>---<br>"It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities."<br />
—Sir Josiah Stamp
---
frenchy
I can only agree with Diogenes and Deacon here. This kind of abuse can be painful beyond imagination, especially when you are a kid.
What saved me was that, when I was very young, my parents taught me about love, empathy, self-control and self-confidence. It's ironic that, while they taught me these things, they are the ones who tried so hard to take them away from me.
There's also another thing which helped me. When things started to go crazy at home, I made myself a promise: that I would learn from everything that would be thrown at me, that I would remember every moment so to know how break the cycle. This way, it would not have been all for nothing. It gave the suffering some sense. And learn and remember, that I certainly did.
I'll add this example to the ones Deacon gave: bullying at school. Someday, I don't know why, someone who had bullied me came to me and apologized. We spoke for some time, and he told me why he had done what he had done to me and others: when he saw me, and saw how I was succesful at school, had friends, and was seemingly happy, he saw everything that he wished he had and didn't. When he saw others who were like him, they reminded him of his own life, and how he hated himself. In truth, he was trying to destroy himself, not others. I can hardly describe what I felt at that time.
People are greedy because they think that, without material riches, they are worth nothing. So maybe that's where we should start to break this vicious cycle.
Greed breeds pain which breeds greed which breeds pain which breeds greed which breeds pain...
Anyway, great post, Diogenes!
The Sharp Wolf
"Think of evil as the lack of love. Then, it will not seem so frightening."
I don't usually say too much about it. Only 5 people know the whole story, and they're my closest friends.
It wasn't anywhere near perfect, but it was what it was.
Do I wish my upbringing was more normal?
Who wouldn't?
One thing's for sure, my kids will NEVER go through what I did.
---
The two most common things in the universe are apparently Hydrogen and stupidity.