Dear Dad Letter

Dear Dad, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing to you. I had to elope with my girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacey, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, and tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion Dad, she's pregnant. Stacey says that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many children. Stacey has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We will be growing it for ourselves and trading it with other people in the commune for all the cocaine & ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we all pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacey can get better. She sure deserves it!!! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your grandchildren. Love, Your Son, John. P.S. Dad, None of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you!! Call when it is safe for me to come home.