Vive Le Canada

Millions of Americans affected by Television Deficiency Disorder
Date: Monday, November 20 2006
Topic:


More than thirty-five million Americans may currently be suffering from a newly-discovered disorder that affects brain chemistry, behavior and health: Television Deficiency Disorder, or TDD for short. Based on work by Dr. Anne Tennah, a psychiatrist who specializes in brain chemistry disorders, this little-known disorder is now thought to be more widespread than ADHD and Bi-Polar combined.

Television Deficiency Disorder is a serious condition brought on by a lack of television programming. Victims display excessive intelligence quotients (I.Q.s), an exaggerated sense of self esteem, and "suspiciously high" levels of physical activity that keep them strangely thin. "These victims stray from societal norms," explained Dr. Tennah. "With their heightened cognitive function but lack of exposure to sitcoms, reality shows and shaped news programs, they are unable to interact with normal people in society."


Dr. Anne Tennah suggests that victims of TDD be prescribed additional television programming. "Parents especially need to make sure their children receive at least two to three hours of television programming per day," she said. "Otherwise, they may grow up imbalanced and require medication."

The medications used to treat Television Deficiency Disorder have, coincidentally, just been approved by the Fraud and Drug Administration. Manufactured by ConPhuzer, a Big Pharma giant, the drugs are stimulant amphetamines similar to those prescribed for ADHD, but with much higher potency. "These drugs put children in a quiet, receptive state where they can sit in front of the television for hours and soak up all the programming they need," explained Dr. Tennah. "They're miracle drugs. I intend on prescribing them to all my patients."

Share prices for ConPhuzer rose $2.37 on the news of the drug approval by the FDA, and then leaped another $12.62 on the announcement that Television Deficiency Disorder had been discovered. This thrilled major ConPhuzer shareholders such as the ghost of Kenneth Lay, the former CEO of Enron who is now apparently immune to all insider trading crimes because he is no longer living.

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This is how medicine operates today, where virtually every popular health condition from breast cancer to high cholesterol is over-diagnosed, over-treated and over-marketed to a gullible public who are far too easily manipulated by television programming.

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